Simply me, simply Joanna Maxine

I'm having hard time to define who am I. Well, this is a little bit info about me. I leave the rest for you to think about it.


It's kinda awkward for me when someone gives much attention to me. I'm not born with given much attention. I'm the one who would be chosen when they have no other choice. I'm the one who have lest friend because I'm not good with making new friend. I'm the one who experienced much things by reading rather than experienced itself because I'm a loner. I'm the one who don't have specific characteristic because I do copy-paste because I learned some character attract others attention (but then I stopped because it do me no good. I like being me the way I am). I'm the one who sometimes choose to be alone and watch the world turns around without noticing my existence. I'm the one who afraid of simple a simple matter and somehow it became a nightmare and have no one to share it except for her book. I'm the one who born in a simple life where others just walk in and out just as merely as entering a grocery shop where there are a lot of stuff but none interest you. I'm the one who will get the wrong idea while other talks and look at me, when I heard someone whispering something I don't understand, when someone look at me like dirts are all over my face, when someone just ignore me when they used to talk to me when I met them. So, it's really are awkward when I get a hug from a friend, gifts on my birthday, someone remember my birthday because I'm the one should do that stuff, someone tell me I mean something in their life, someone thank me for being a good friend, someone tell me he likes me - I hardly believe it because it's something unusual, someone told me I'm beautiful because I tend to get bad result when it came about my appearance, someone told me I'm important. Yeahh, it's awkward. really do.

well this is life. We might see a same picture but with a different point of view. I might see a rose as something I wish to had in my garden and you might see a rose as a thorny flower and it's nonesense to have it in your garden. I maybe dislike staring at the blue sky because I'm sensitive to too-much-light and will run tears if I stay staring at it more than 5secs eventhough I deeply in love with the blue sky and you maybe not interested looking at the blue sky because it's none of your interest. You may look at a wonderful scenery and think you feel calm and peace and you like it. I look at a scenery and I take attention into every detail of it that interest me and I thanks God everytimes I've see a stunning view for He gave me eyes to see and mind  to think how much powerful a God is. The world is too big for others to realize a small chance and yet God sees it. If, all the geniuses are combined to be a person, if he ever have a piece of God's mind?
No one can be in someone shoe. We might wear the same shoe but with different sizes, maybe I had a scratch and it's uncomfortable maybe your wear it with a sock when I don't have any to wear. we might walk on the same pathway but with different circumstances. You with your world and me with my world.

'Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul'. Yeahh. so true.

I...

Seeing other been-there-done-that surely give me a huge need to add that in my list! It's' normal to envy other having the life you wish to had. - wish to had! maybe it's kinda too late for me to experience such experience. Well, life must goes on. I do have another vision that I need to fulfil.

Recently, I've been thinking about the times I've wasted - no, not wasted, I prefer unwise usage. I did do something but not the one which is necessary. To think of it, it makes me realize I'm not the girl who used to think life is easy and do daydream, speak than action; the the girl who used to think life is unfair when Mom gives more attention to the others siblings; the girl who used to wish meeting with Prince Charming; the girl  who wish to quit when almost everything betrayed her.

I can't and don't want to be that girl anymore. Mummy I Love You!
We maybe didn't have the chance t have a warm mother-daughter relationship. but I don't blame you or me. maybe, this is how we show each other how much we care. Mum, I care about you.
I'm sorry for being unwise, ignorant, naughty and stubborn child. I'm sorry that I'm incapable to give you A in my examination. I did try, maybe not harder. I do wish to eliminate others assumption about our family. We are not a failure. We can't be. I maybe not a clever girl but I do have determination, a determination which drives me to achieve my goal. My goal for you. Mummy one day. I promise you, one day.

I don't know, I really don't know whether I can accomplish my goal or no but I know for sure, I don't do daydream without action - not anymore. I'm not that girl anymore Mom. Keep this as a promise. I don't mind you give much attention to them and give less and maybe the least for me, I understand. I won't mind. You've been through a hard life and don't mind me. I'll be fine. I know you care - and I do too, a lot. Heard, read this and that you've been through in you recent days give me heartache - heartache which show how much I feel sorry for not knowing it earlier, for not knowing what obstacles (hard one) you've been through in your life, for I should know more, for I feel I don't know you much, for thinking you are brave, unique Mom.
To think of you having even harder (maybe hardest that your current hardest day to provide us LIFE) days for me makes me think I'm a bloodsucker. I don't want to be a bloodsucker. I'm afraid of bloodsuckers.

You maybe don't have any idea of how much I love you Mom. To tell you the truth, you are the reason why I choose to leaves my childhood day and moves on. You are the reason for my goal in life. You are the reason why I choose to let myself get the least attention. You are the reason for me to think it's okay when I feel I'm all alone in this world.
I may not be able to spell L.O.V.E for you or even tell you face to face - for it's a little bit awkward for us because I'm not grown up to do such thing. But I have my own way of saying I LOVE YOU MOM and these text are a sample of it. I do envy other who have a warm relationship with their mother but I won't switch you with any mother that ever lived. Never!

Maybe I'm at the lowest point in life when others see me. But I'm standing up. I'll reach high, as high as possible. For you MOM. For you.

Thank you God for giving me such mother. ^^

Watde. .

"Jika boleh memilih...
 aku lebih memilih untuk tidak pernah mengenal kamu daripada
harus melupakan kamu."

watde. .hei, why want to forget? I mean, it's a part of you, why want to forget? If it gives you bad times just accept it do hurts you (so badly) and go on with your life and take that as a lesson - for precaution or-what-so-ever in the future! if it gives you good and bad memories as well, it's the bad one you should deduct from your memory. anything happened to you happen for a reason. unless it harm you then forget.


F.O.R.G.E.T adalah perkataan sensitif untuk sa. kalu boleh sa inda mau lupa semua kenangan sa ma orang2 d sekeliling sa.apa lagi yang kin gembira. yang sedih pun sa ingat juga.yang bikin malu pun. suda jadi, apa boleh buat? 
so please stop forgetting. If you asked my friends they'll tell you I remember much things, memories. It is because I don't forget. I won't forget. Again, it's a part of me, why forget? Here's a song from Demi Lovato - I love her voice and her songs. so damn siuk. .so, lagu sa yg dimainkan pada saat ini ialah - with lyric

Don't Forget Lyrics

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me

Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget


We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us

tp masih juga ada Boyce Avenue la. .yg It Will Rain yang paling manang!^^

~Maxine

                                             

Simple

at last , my simple blog template. 
La la la la ♪┏(・o･)┛♪┗ ( ･o･) ┓♪┏ ( 'o' ) ┛♪┗ (･o･ ) ┓♪┏(･o･)┛♪




gembirannya hati^^ simple tapi sa suka.bilang c eng2 susah mau paam template sa dulu.== nasip suda tukar. .kn??gumbira!

~Maxine

                                                                                                                     

Epic Fail ..== *sigh

It's almost 3am yet I still here in my blog's page. Do you know why? Because I spent 4hours just to change my blog's template and still, did you notice it? Yeaaahhhh.. None suit me. I found lots of beautiful templates but none are good enough as this one. None suit my last posts. 


So, after 4 hours struggling so HARD, I decided not to choose any and stick with my current skin. I'm soooo pissssseeeeeeddddd.


  I'll scream out loud if it isn't 3 in the morning.  Macam mo malatup ne sa rasa. .


So, who ever read my post, do recommend me a good site for nice templates which you think suit my blog. .




 quoted Hagemaru : Apa yang kita cari, tak semestinya apa yang kita mahu.


well, he's right about that. Maybe I shouldn't had a thought of changing my template. maybe what I've done just now is simply comparing my template with others - and my current template win! 
 pa2la .kin malas sija. .
Tidur laini. . 




                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                             ~Maxine

I Choose. .

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

If you’re in form5 before 2011, this poem sounds familiar, right? This poem strikes me when I realize what it means.

Life is about choosing paths. You’ll regret taking this path but you can’t undo it. Maybe, and just maybe, you’ll find another way to be on the unchosen which you regret too much. I wonder if you keep on walking on the path that you chose if you find it interesting. Would you still go all out for the other path? If you’ve been walking and hoping to find another way to be on the other path for two years and still no sign of good news would you still have the faith as the first time you wanted so badly to be on the other path? If your heart says “believe me, you’ll find a way” but the road says “what are you? Can’t you see you are making fun of yourself?” Which do you prefer?

There are many different types of person. If they do go-with-the-flow, I-go-where-my-pathway-lead, they’ll move on and come to an end – the path’s destination. Maybe and only maybe, someday, they’ll think “luckily, I chose not to fool myself and go on with this path. I’m destined for this path”, or maybe “If and only if I listen what my heart told me, I’ll be the one whom I wanted to be back then”, or maybe “I’ve enjoyed my whole life in this path. It’s fun, adventurous and happy-ending. What happen if I chose the other path?” or maybe something else.

If they are the one with hard-to-lose person a.k.a stubborn, and then finally find a way to be on the other path there will be two outcomes: “yeah, at last! It was a right decision to not lose hope” or maybe “I was wrong. This path isn’t and never was mine. Why don’t I stand on reality?” but still, it will come to an end. Like the other path, one day they’ll think “all of my hard work, my time, my sweat, my heartache and all the troubles I’d pass, wasn’t too much compared to what I achieved these days,.” Or maybe “if and only I could turn back the time, I’ll go for when I chose to take the this part and keep on walking without regretting losing a chance to be on this path.” Or maybe “If I keep on walking on the other what was it in the end? Will it give me more than what I’ve got now, or worst?”

But . .

What if the first type chances their mind when they realised and found a way to the other path? What if when the second type found a way to the other path yet chose to stay?

What if they choose to stay where they stand by not moving on and stay there?

Tell me. A single question raises more questions. You may choose a good or bad question but the choice is yours to make – not mine or anyone.

I had lots of questions in my mind and yet chose not ignored it – and what am I?

I’m brave enough to stop thinking of it and I’m too weak to handle any other question. What am I?

Quoted Mrs. Julia Giduk one evening : when you wake up in the morning, you have two choice whether to get up from bed or pretend it is still early and sleep more.

So true. Every choice we make, give lots more choices. It was like reading a book which you decide what story you want next? Have you ever try that kind of book? I always end up choosing a dead-end.Anyway, now I’ve reach to an end and the questions rose in my mind are “why do I choose to write this stuff. I end up putting myself in bad mood” and “what I will I do now if I choose not to write any just now?”

Well, question is just a question until you find an answer. I choose not to find any and get up from my lazy bed and watch tv. Soon!

Hey you reader, why did you choose to read this content at the first place instead of doing or read something beneficial?

I leave you with that question. With or without answer, it’s your choice.

 

~Maxine

 

Leftover

 

I like making an art from anything that crossed my mind. By not planing what to do and just follow your heart - no, not heart, more to your instinct or what-ever-it-called -, gives you something unexpected. 

 

I choose this pattern because at first, there's only sauce left. For  red suite with heart's shape, so heart it is. Then add some chicken's skin leftover (c ester tu.inda kc abis), which should be as a broken heart but I forgot.hahahahaha. memory ikan emas gitu lo.

Then come to the decoration, the straw I didn't do it on purpose.  Ester  bite the straw until it crumpled that way. She has seldom behaviour of biting things when she has nothing to do, but rare. Then I put it on the plate and tara . .

Well, that's how love works - at least that is how I see it. if you planned to fall in love with someone you'll be happy, but when you let love come to you, you'll be extremely happy. If you planed what will happen during your date, you'll get upset if it didn't work but if it does, you'll have a smile on your face all day long - maybe lasts for few days. But if you just put trust(whatever you think is important) in yourself, and let it go with the flow, it will amazed you - which can drive you crazy and unable to sleep. kali la.  

well, recently, or I should say, just now, I  was listening to cover songs and Boyce Avenue stole my heart. .^^ Siuk tahap dewa laba. If you notice, my songs are Boyce Avenue's. XD
Bah. .enough

~Maxine