Monday, August 6, 2012

Happy Birthday Me!^^ (Forever alone)

Monday, August 6, 2012
ayyeerrr.. Me turning 20 isn't a pleasant thing for me. Because, I haven't achieve any yet. =='
sedih brabis tau. I spent my entire 20years,.... mmmm. pa saya buat ah? HAHA. too much! ^^
ada juga bh saya buat. cuma mungkin xdapat accomplish pa yang saya mahu.

BTW, what I do today? I'm not the type of person who celebrates birthday. The last time I celebrate my birthday was for my 6th. That's about 14years ago. None since then. NONE..
 but I'm fine. I don't mind. What's the big deal? I could celebrate it if I want to. IF I want to. but then again, if I wanted to celebrate it, I'd done it during those 14years.

BTW, because I shared the day with someone I knew, I prepared her a gift. ^^

This is the picture of me and Lala. She's the one. ^^ 
Cute bh dia.XD

This is what I do just now. HAHA. bida ne saya rasa.macam saya mo buat ba baru.yang lebih kemas.^^

How about the day? Okay bha. Saya tingu TV. saya tingu movie "Arthur(2011)".. Siuk ba. Then I watched Private Practice. Then I just read books. bla bla bla.. nothing interesting. No one to share the happy moment. My brother forgot, my sister almost and my cousin also forgot. I don't mind. It won't gets better if they remembered. Anyway, I got 100+ greetings on facebook. Thank you facebook reminder! During 2010, I hide my birthday, so only 4 persons greeted me. SERIOUSLY. only 4 persons remembered my birthday. But then, today and that day, it has no different. it's the day I get a year older. kanapa la dapat 1000+ greetings. Tida ubah apa2.
Nda pa. At the end of 'my' day, I then get my 1st and probably my last gift. (butul2 forever alone) 

yeah..! Ice-cream. At least my wish did come true. (ice-cream for birthday)

Am I happy? Why not? I'm alive! kan? God loves me. 
What else I wish? 'saya mo jalan2. saya mo buang masa jalan2 sama kawan2, makan2 sama2, ketawa sama2. saya mo kasi lupa yang ne ari, ari jadi sa sbab saya sama2 kawan2 saya. saya mo rasa dapat hadiah. saya mo kana nyanyi happy birthday bukan macam tiap tahun sa nyanyi untuk diri sendiri. saya mo rasa pa orang lain rasa time birthday. saya mo buat party.'
Tapi bila fikir2 balik, sa inda mo hadiah, saya inda mo kana nyanyi sbab pelik bah rasa kana nyanyi. Tidak biasa dapat attention. AWKWARD. jadi itu kana cancel. party pun cancel. (kalu buat party, saya jadi tumpuan) WISH saya yang paling saya harap kana fulfill da, yang jalan-jalan sama spend time with my friends. My friends are my life. I am nothing without them.  Saya bukan mo jalan-jalan sbab mo celebrate birthday saya tapi sbab saya mo ini hari bagi saya memory yang saya akan simpan sampai bila-bila.saya mo ketawa, saya mo rasa taksub dengan ciptaan Tuhan. I wish to watch the sky full of stars or beautiful moon pun buli. 

But then, none came true. Maybe I didn't wish any bah. IYA. I didn't wish any. 
I don't believe in such thing. WISH. I do when I was a little girl. but then I just don't. I grow up. 
why? because everybody do. Where's my friends? They grow up. I'm left alone in Neverland. We used to spend time together but because they decided to grow up, so they got lots of things to do. So, they just forgot. I don't blame anyone. I blame the world, the time, the cruel time. It stoles my friends. I'm left alone in Neverland. ALONE. 

Just like Peter Pan, I'm left alone. I still hold the same me while others grow up. They decide to do this and that and abandon the world we created together. To adapt the new situation, I tried to catch up with them, leaving Neverland behind, still I hold the same me. At one point, you just can't go with the flow and you'd lost. Lost in your own world, wishing and wishing. Until one day, you decide to grow up too. That day, you stopped wishing. No more "I wish, I wish with all my heart to...." 
You looked at a shooting star and said "hey, that's a comet. Do you know......." You looked at a wishing well and said "they threw money. what a waste." You looked at the bright moon and said "mmm. Full moon aye." No longer "I wish, I wish, with all my heart to..."

And today, I feel the emptiness the most. Why, because I'm a year older and where are they? THEY GROW UP. bah. MOVE ON MAXINE^^ 
No longer shits' talk. No longer longing for the time to flew back. No longer dreaming a beautiful dream (even though we should dreamt beautiful for it's only a dream) because you need to stand on reality - at least that's what they'd told you. 
Forgiving is the miracle of love. Ordy forgive but still they won't understand. 

"I miss you my dear friend. I miss the talk. But you grow up. We grow up - in our own way"


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