Circumstances changed. Completely changed and yet I remain
the same. Still the old me with new perspective. I admit it. I fall in love,
I'm in love and he too feels the same. HAHA. awkward. Seriously, I never
thought this would happen to me - until today. Everytimes I wake up, I wonder
if what happened is just a part of my dream. Luckily it is for real. Our
relationship is complicated, at first but then as time passed it finally makes
sense. It just me who still can't put all pieces of me in this new situation.
How am I suppose accepted it wholly when before I was completely opposite of
this stuff? But, love changed everything. ~blush *-*
If I were me before, this will be a joke to laugh out loud.
But now, I fall in love, I have to admit that it is true. I don't know how and
why, but it just happens. I pray and keep on praying asking for God's advice
about this feeling. God answered with His own way.
I asked God if this is something worthwhile to give my heart
to, for I am afraid of my former relationship and God give me His answer. I
don't know what is going to happen in the future. I don't know if I give him my
heart, he won't break it. But we made our promise to do our best. During these
periods, we develop trust which becomes the base of our relationship besides
God. I know it is still early to assume anything but time is just a matter of
period.
"It's not the one you love the longest, but the one you
love deepest; that forever stays in your heart". A friend of mine posted
that on Facebook a few days ago. Maybe because of I broke my heart deeply last
time; I just don't buy any sweet words. Not that I don't trust him but I just
haven't have the gut yet to give my heart to be broken. Nanti okey juga bah ni
kan? I love him. I wish he know how much I do. It is really hard to makes
others to understand how much I do. I closed my heart for any man for 3 years
and this is something new. When a girl does something opposite of what she
usually does, she gives part of her life for it. BUtul bah. =( I never wanted to
fall in love again. NEVER! It does cross my mind but not this soon. Most of my
prayers, I focused of this stuff. God lead me. Here I am now, not regretting
the path that I’ve chooses. Whatever happened in the future, bad or good
things, I put my trust in God's hand.
Everytime I told him I love him, I give piece by piece of my
heart hoping someday I don't have to tell him that word to convince him how
much I do.
He just broke up with his former girlfriend which I knew
hard for him. 'Us' is something unexpected. The feeling bits by bits eat us
both until both of us can't hold it anymore. I blocked my feeling for my own
sake. I tried my best to avoid him. I tried my best not to think about him. I
tried my best to eliminate the raging emotion in me. I prayed and pray. I
remember avoiding him several times. He loves his former ex deeply. He gave her
second changes, several changes but she takes it for granted. I know she loves
him deeply too. I don't know what happened. How am I supposed to ask him when I
know how much it hurt? =( He told me a little bit. He didn't tell me what
exactly happened. Entalah. He told me it's about trust. Trully, I feel sorry
for her. I too don't wish this to happen. I know how much it hurt. I don't know
how, love gives 'us' time and chance to be together. He told me he too prayed
much about us. and God show him the way. I don't wish her to understand, to
accept 'us' yet, but perhaps someday. I'll pray for her to find another man
which worth to give her heart to. I'm so sorry dear. =( A friend of mine advise
'ko kasi terus sija bah hubungan kamu. Memangla saya tau ko faham amacam dia
rasa tapi tidak bermaksud ko perlu kasi lepas yang lelaki kan. sudah jadi
juga.' butul jugala. Tapi macam sa selfish pula. Entalah. I dunno. Being selfish
is not who I am. So mungkin saya begini sebab..... sebab saya sangat teruk
broken hearted dulu. Saya baru juga let go sa punya feeling toward my ex a few
months ago kan. =( Saya tau la amacam dia rasa. kan bilang "what you don't
wish for yourself, do not do to others."
Entalah. Pusing-pusing kepala saya fikir pasal benda-benda
macam ne. saya cuma harap sebelum orang lain buat apa2 assumption, saya harap
dorang try be in my shoe.
Tidak tahu la. Pa jadi, jadilah. I leave it in God's hand.
Saya hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan. I'll do my best. =)
Posts
