Ko Tua Sudah!

This year, I’m 19. Am I old? Being 19 is frustrating. By next year, they’ll welcome me  to ‘their’ group. Am I afraid?? No, I’m not. Fear is not it. I'm not sure if I can be, act, think and so on as an adult. Everyone is talking about soulmate at this stage. I don’t hell care about it, maybe someday, but not now. Long way to go. Seeing some of them are taking seriously in their relationship make me fell that I am old. But most of the conversation I hated so much was with this “guy”. He is somewhere I-don’t-care, and said that when he finished studying and came back at this place, lots of us were married. What the hell is on his mind! I’m in form6 doesn’t mean that I don’t have future! Let’s take a look 5years in the future and if that happen on me you can say out loud “I told you so!”

But that is not my point.

When I was a little girl, I used to go to the market with my grandma. The part that I love the most is pretending to called her when she was having a conversation with friends. I called her ‘Ma’ – all of her grandchildren call her this way. Then her friends will ask her “anak ko ka ne?’ of course la she reply “ndala. Anak bongsu sa punya anak ba ne”. Then they reply ‘ohh.besar sda anak c Jack. Yang dulu kana dukung2 lagi. Skarang jalan-jalan sda d kadai”.

Then, when I grew older and whenever I met a family of mine – haven’t met for few years, I’ll get the same ‘compliment’. It happens sometimes when I met someone I haven’t met so long.

Well, at this stage, I can do the same. At least there’s one thing I like about being 19. haha. I then understand why they came out with that kind of sentences. Time past quickly. In a blink of an eye, I’m 19 and those who are 6 when I was in form1, now they are in Year 6. When I first be friend with Kellie, she was a young, with ‘brown’ middle teeth, and shorter. Now, she is almost as my size and I can imagine what will happen 4 years from now. (I’m short but it’s okay)

Well, those who are older than me, I am expecting you to guide me on how to endure life in this stage. Don’t tell me how to walk the walk but tell me what is on the road. For I’m kinda stubborn but I'll keep it in my mind as an alert.

The End of April^^ (BengKoka)

It’s the end of April. Today activities were fantastic. Bengkoka maree!! Early in the morning I was really upset because I can’t tie my hair well.hahaha. What a lame excuse. For AY activities, suppose we were having bible quizzes but then we change our mind. Yup, absolutely!! Bengkoka. The scene, W.O.W!! love it so much! If I were a photographer I would captured the wonderful scene. The scene became superb after 6. The sky, sun and sea are marvelous! The sea seems floating in the air. The sky was in yellowish and orange. The sea was calm, the sun almost gone but still insight. W.O.W. 

Tis lovely couple are asking someone to capture them. Well, they are like puzzle. 

so, tis picture is a dedication to her(my bestie).

hopefully, their love will last.^^

tis is me and Kelie. thanks to Hazel Cassie for capturing tis wonderful pic.

Teta got tis natural beauty. but i on the other hand, hu. 

why!!leg. .

11 Hints for Life

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. 

Finally. .

Finally, I know the truth. That I am stupid for waiting someone that once mine but now belong to someone else. Then I won’t have to think who that lucky girl is because I know it was not her. oklah. No wonder these few days I kept thinking of him. I dreamt he hates me so much, twice, in reality too. Well, it indicates that I knew he hates me but I don’t to think that way. So my dream tells me not to hope for something impossible.

It been two years but the pain are still the same. Why? Can somebody please give me a relevant explanation?  

But still, why hates me? Is that I am really what you called as “K.U.M.A.N”? I don’t understand about this love sick thing but I hate it so much!

But anyway, congrats! Really do. You deserve someone better. You are a great guy. Wish you luck.^^

Yesterday I checked on Annette’s pictures. Then I found this.

This is what I feel. But I don’t mind. I don’t wish it will become better. For if that happen, I on the other hand will hope more. It is good then. I’ll forget about you and go to my own way. It may take times for me to forget everything but I believe, someday.

Starting from today, I wont check on the gifts you give me, I’ll delete your pictures in my cell phone, I’ll stop telling my friends how much I love you still, I’ll stop writing your name, saying your name in my heart, stop looking at the blue sky, use your name as a strength, reason for me to study hard, aiming something so I know how much I love you, I’ll erase your name in every book that I wrote, I’ll stop thinking of you, I’ll stop missing you and I’ll stop loving you. It may take times. Maybe today a second, tomorrow seconds and I’ll forget about you someday.

I promise this is the last time I’ll cry about you. There won’t be next time. So, don’t ask me to stop because I’m starting.  

my point ehhhh??

Choosing a suitable life partner (based on what my opinion during MUET class)

On 14^th February 2011, our MUET teacher, Mr. Felix give us task about what are the most young people nowadays are interested in. The point that they choose me to do is ‘choosing a suitable life partner’. And this is my point of view based on movies.

-          Someone they can have a better future.

Maybe because during their childhood they saw how much their parent hurt because didn’t choose wisely and their parent didn’t had a change to choose for their own.

-          Someone who can take care of them

They wanted someone who can be with them in old day. Holding hands, dancing, have a walk in the park; spend more time before something does them apart.

-          Someone they fall to and cannot live without

They found someone who fulfilled their emptiness in life, someone who they can count on when in dangerous, someone who can comfort in bad days. They are like puzzle. For an example, when a man is tired after working, when he reached home, their someone who can prepare food for him, do some massage and didn’t tell him more bad news. When he wanted to talk, she will be there and listen and he will be so glad being at home and think he is ‘home sweet home’ and feel so lucky he married that woman.

For woman, when her husband spend most of his time working she hope that when he get home, he feel glad that she had prepared dinner and do him a massage and share his so-busy-day with her. At that time, she’ll realize that he is the handsomest guy in the whole world. She feels so lucky she married to him.

Well, this is what I saw on movies, doesn’t mean anything personal. It might not work as I write or it will never happen. Maybe it work the other way. I don’t know. Perhaps someday I will understand, maybe when I am in their shoe. I never yet had been thinking of it. I’m still young, long way to go.

W.H.E.N

W.H.E.N (my short explanations toward my unintentional actions)

-          When I didn’t ask what you wanted to tell me about something, it doesn’t mean that I forget.

It mean that I don’t want you to remember how much hurt it had caused you.

-          When I didn’t ask you how do you do, it doesn’t mean that I stop care about you.

It means that I know how you feel about your life by the looking of your face.

-          When you tell me something and I didn’t give advice or comment, it doesn’t mean that I’m not interested or what.

It mean that I am afraid to tell you what to do because I know how much it hurt and I am afraid to give a false hope. But most of all, it is because, I cant over come mine and I don’t want to tell you what to do when I haven’t succeed in doing so.

-          When we are having fun together and suddenly I’m down, it doesn’t mean that you upset me or what.

It means that I maybe hurt inside but I don’t want to share my burden

-          When I am having fun with other, it doesn’t mean that I forgotten of your existence or I am mad at you.

It mean that it is time for me to forget about something that bother me and I don’t want to hang up with you because I am afraid I might tell you.

-          When you share something and I didn’t share mine, it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you.

It means that I don’t want to share mine because it makes me more miserable thinking of my problem.

-          When I didn’t help you with home work like dishes, it doesn’t mean that I am not responsible.

It mean that I am busy with something else (way more important than doing dishes) and I will surely feel bad for not completing my responsible. Sorry. .

-          When I went home and leave quickly, it doesn’t mean that I hate being at home.

It means that I hate seeing you. Hate seeing the unpleasant expression written on your face. I don’t you to see me at my weakness because I want to think that I am brave and old enough to controls my emotion.  

-          When I stop telling you or didn’t tell you that I love you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t.

It means that I wanted you to find it out yourself and I am telling you without words. (I will never stop loving you. Time will tell.)

Friends and families, no matter what happen between us, you still have a place in my heart. When you entered that door, forever you’re in. we maybe far in distance but never in our heart. Distance and time can separate us apart but the strongest feeling human being had bear to each other, make us even closer. It is what I called ‘L.O.V.E’

                                                                                                Maxine_ME

W.H.Y

Sometimes in life, I wonder why I am been given obstacles that I can’t endure. I won’t blame God because I knew He won’t do it for any reason. I keep asking, WHY ME? GOD I CAN’T STAND. Sometimes it hurt so much. I’ve been thinking to leave this place for good. Run away from the pain I feel, avoiding meeting them. I want to cry out loud, scream as loud as I can. I want to blame someone for the pain I felt inside me. At the end of my tear, I found that I can’t blame anyone. I knew I won’t blame anyone. At that point, I know, He is by my side. 

God must know I am stronger than I thought, so he gave me obstacles that I never knew I can survive in.

He wanted to show me, this is what it is to live in a sinful world. He wanted me to know, He won’t leave me alone in my bad day. God never promise that I won’t feel pain, but He promise, He will never leave me in every steps that I makes, every hard time I am struggling in.

Everytime I ask God, WHY, I end up feel blessed, relieved and one thing for sure, He must love me so much, so He show me by that way.

Everytime we fall, when we started asking WHY, think what is the benefit from that incident.

For God so loved the world, He send His only begotten son, so whoever believe in Him shall live in Him, for we may find reason why we love, but God love is even without reason.