my point ehhhh??

Choosing a suitable life partner (based on what my opinion during MUET class)

On 14^th February 2011, our MUET teacher, Mr. Felix give us task about what are the most young people nowadays are interested in. The point that they choose me to do is ‘choosing a suitable life partner’. And this is my point of view based on movies.

-          Someone they can have a better future.

Maybe because during their childhood they saw how much their parent hurt because didn’t choose wisely and their parent didn’t had a change to choose for their own.

-          Someone who can take care of them

They wanted someone who can be with them in old day. Holding hands, dancing, have a walk in the park; spend more time before something does them apart.

-          Someone they fall to and cannot live without

They found someone who fulfilled their emptiness in life, someone who they can count on when in dangerous, someone who can comfort in bad days. They are like puzzle. For an example, when a man is tired after working, when he reached home, their someone who can prepare food for him, do some massage and didn’t tell him more bad news. When he wanted to talk, she will be there and listen and he will be so glad being at home and think he is ‘home sweet home’ and feel so lucky he married that woman.

For woman, when her husband spend most of his time working she hope that when he get home, he feel glad that she had prepared dinner and do him a massage and share his so-busy-day with her. At that time, she’ll realize that he is the handsomest guy in the whole world. She feels so lucky she married to him.

Well, this is what I saw on movies, doesn’t mean anything personal. It might not work as I write or it will never happen. Maybe it work the other way. I don’t know. Perhaps someday I will understand, maybe when I am in their shoe. I never yet had been thinking of it. I’m still young, long way to go.

W.H.E.N

W.H.E.N (my short explanations toward my unintentional actions)

-          When I didn’t ask what you wanted to tell me about something, it doesn’t mean that I forget.

It mean that I don’t want you to remember how much hurt it had caused you.

-          When I didn’t ask you how do you do, it doesn’t mean that I stop care about you.

It means that I know how you feel about your life by the looking of your face.

-          When you tell me something and I didn’t give advice or comment, it doesn’t mean that I’m not interested or what.

It mean that I am afraid to tell you what to do because I know how much it hurt and I am afraid to give a false hope. But most of all, it is because, I cant over come mine and I don’t want to tell you what to do when I haven’t succeed in doing so.

-          When we are having fun together and suddenly I’m down, it doesn’t mean that you upset me or what.

It means that I maybe hurt inside but I don’t want to share my burden

-          When I am having fun with other, it doesn’t mean that I forgotten of your existence or I am mad at you.

It mean that it is time for me to forget about something that bother me and I don’t want to hang up with you because I am afraid I might tell you.

-          When you share something and I didn’t share mine, it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you.

It means that I don’t want to share mine because it makes me more miserable thinking of my problem.

-          When I didn’t help you with home work like dishes, it doesn’t mean that I am not responsible.

It mean that I am busy with something else (way more important than doing dishes) and I will surely feel bad for not completing my responsible. Sorry. .

-          When I went home and leave quickly, it doesn’t mean that I hate being at home.

It means that I hate seeing you. Hate seeing the unpleasant expression written on your face. I don’t you to see me at my weakness because I want to think that I am brave and old enough to controls my emotion.  

-          When I stop telling you or didn’t tell you that I love you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t.

It means that I wanted you to find it out yourself and I am telling you without words. (I will never stop loving you. Time will tell.)

Friends and families, no matter what happen between us, you still have a place in my heart. When you entered that door, forever you’re in. we maybe far in distance but never in our heart. Distance and time can separate us apart but the strongest feeling human being had bear to each other, make us even closer. It is what I called ‘L.O.V.E’

                                                                                                Maxine_ME

W.H.Y

Sometimes in life, I wonder why I am been given obstacles that I can’t endure. I won’t blame God because I knew He won’t do it for any reason. I keep asking, WHY ME? GOD I CAN’T STAND. Sometimes it hurt so much. I’ve been thinking to leave this place for good. Run away from the pain I feel, avoiding meeting them. I want to cry out loud, scream as loud as I can. I want to blame someone for the pain I felt inside me. At the end of my tear, I found that I can’t blame anyone. I knew I won’t blame anyone. At that point, I know, He is by my side. 

God must know I am stronger than I thought, so he gave me obstacles that I never knew I can survive in.

He wanted to show me, this is what it is to live in a sinful world. He wanted me to know, He won’t leave me alone in my bad day. God never promise that I won’t feel pain, but He promise, He will never leave me in every steps that I makes, every hard time I am struggling in.

Everytime I ask God, WHY, I end up feel blessed, relieved and one thing for sure, He must love me so much, so He show me by that way.

Everytime we fall, when we started asking WHY, think what is the benefit from that incident.

For God so loved the world, He send His only begotten son, so whoever believe in Him shall live in Him, for we may find reason why we love, but God love is even without reason.  

Time Understands Love

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others......, including Love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.

Wrong!!

Everything seems wrong lately. It didn’t work as I plan. I don’t know what did I do wrong. I’m tired of being wrong. I really wish I can travel through time. I wanted to change things in the past. I wish I could fix it. I wish to have my previous life. I'm happier at that time.But there is nothing I can do to change it. If there's, I'll do anything to grab it. But I won't let myself to falls into such fake hope. It fooled me a few times but not anymore. I’m really am tired. All I want is simply have a better life. Being grown up shows me something I didn’t notice before. First, I’m not good enough to be someone’s friend. I don’t know why they still stick with me until today. I’m horrible. I’m not deserved to have any of them. I hurt their feeling. I cannot repay their kindness. I’m dragging them to my wretched life. I can’t stand seeing them stand in my shoe. What kind of friend am I? I don’t know even know why am I writing something like this. Am I that bad? I want to be their reason to smile even for once. I keep hurting everyone around me. If only I could vanish just like that. I’m not too stupid to commit suicide. What is wrong with me? Every time we spent time together, I do my best to give them the biggest smile. Is that enough? Why can’t I be good to them all the time?

I hate it. I’m sick of feeling mad.

I’m mad because/at

-          their kindness when I have nothing to give in return

-          everything didn’t worked as I planned

-          I can’t control my madness

-          I don’t want to be mad

-          I don’t know who am I (this is totally not me!)

-          I don’t know why am I doing this and that

But most of all, I mad because I hate myself. I hate when I can’t accept something that I shouldn’t wish at the first place. I’m really angry and want to be mad, aggressive, I want to hate those who hurt me, but I can’t. I just can’t. I shouldn’t and I won’t. It’s not me. No point. I’m mad because I’m supposed to be kind. I shouldn’t let jealousy, irritate, grudge, impatience controlled me. I can’t turn into a monster. I’m not!

It is something annoying when I saw someone suffering because of my action. It getting harder when I can’t calm them down can’t come up with a nice word to say. I hate it when I let them down. These entire things upset me!

I remember, lat time when I’m in an unpleasant, horrible, hard time, they lend me their shoulder, spent time with me (until 4 in the morning). They know the right words to say. But until now, I can’t help myself but cry. I let them down. I'm suppose to be fine now. It's not useless. It is something which should help me stand up! I hate to accept that I am weak! I not suppose to be weak! I shouldn’t let this kind of emotion control me.

I’m sick of being me! I’m not even supposed to use “hate”. Ondu taught me that. He said we shouldn’t use that word. It only makes things worse than ever.

But then after a while. . .

-          What am I expected to be? Nobody perfect. I can’t be one and nobody can. I can’t be right all the times. There’s nothing wrong being wrong sometimes. I shouldn’t force myself to do something beyond my abilities. I should practice to be one. I’ll be fine in times.

-          Being good is not made. It should bear in me. I need to try hard to ensure it grow in me. Little by little, someday, it will grow and become a very huge tree. At that time, I won’t worries about losing some of its leaves.

-          I realize that I’m blessed by God and He sends me angels in form of friends. That’s why they know what are the perfect words/ action to help me through my hard time. I got some loving, charming, talented and caring friends. Even I can’t brighten their days; at least I’m someone’s in their life. I can’t inspire them but perhaps I will help them in something.

When I was 13 years old, I’ve watched a Pooh’s movie. One day, Eeyore (the donkey) is upset. He’s unhappy and all of his friends are trying to cheer him up. But none of their plan worked. At last, they asked Eeyore what at least they can do to make him happy. Then he said something like this. “Do nothing but sit by my side. No words require but sit here and watch the sunset with me.” what an answer! There’s a time, all we need is to be alone, to have someone by our side who didn’t try to calm us down but simply comfort our heart by doing nothing. It is something relieving when you have someone by your side when the world walked the other way. Word is just word, but the feeling, the action shows miracles. It is true then! Action speaks louder than words.

I may not wise in handling myself, but I believe that God have plan’s for me. He loves me and wishes I’ll be around in heaven. He wanted to shows me that He gives me choices whether to be good or evil. He wanted me to know that I can turn myself to be someone better (maybe not now but later). He wanted me to be stronger than I am already am. I believe He is trying to show me what life is about, and most of all, He wanted me to know that He loved me. Things may work not as I planned, but I love it when God interrupt and change it to something else. Something unexpected! He will always be there when we need Him and all we have to do is believe in Him and He will show you the way. He can do anything! Anytime, anywhere!

My point is, be positive, think positive. Everything happens for a reason. God never leave. Just because you don't see anything happening, doesn't mean that God isn't working. Never! God is good all the time.

                                                                                                     By,

                                                                                                     MaXiNe 

If. .

sa copy and paste ja ne. .sja. .mo update blog sa.

Boy was following a Girl.

GIRL-why are you folowin me?

BOY -you are very pretty and I think I'm in Love with you!

GIRL-but u haven't met my friend yet.. she is prettier than me and is right behind u.

BOY -looks-there's no one ...

GIRL-if u really loved me you won't have looked behind...

MORAL- True Love is rare... :)

Tree, Leaf n Wind

Tree

===
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
Leaf
===
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay
Wind
====
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away
It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.